A few months back, I was in the elevator casually looking at my reflection in the mirror. Without realizing it ,the world’s most dangerous words tumbled out of my mouth. ‘Gosh, I look so fat in this!".
I regretted it the moment they escaped my mouth because my 2 tween daughters were watching me. | tried to take it back and said, 'I mean, that's what silly old me would have said. Now I know size doesn't matter.” I hoped it wasn’t too late!
Growing up, I always had a lot of body image issues. I realized long back, the issues had nothing to do with my body and everything to do with what people around me had told me. Combine that with the scary statistic of teenage girls who have eating disorders and body dissatisfaction, and I am hyper-conscious of my words and actions in front of my daughters.
Here are 4 things to keep in our mind, as mothers, to ensure our daughters don't fall into the trap of measuring their worth by their physical appearance.
1) Watch what you say.
I have had to deliberately unlearn the idea that looking good in an outfit means looking ‘thin’ in it. And come to understand that looking good is related solely to your confidence and self-worth. So be aware when you are making comments about your own body. If you are regular at working out, emphasize that you are doing it to be healthy, flexible and agile, not to become ‘thin’. If you stop working out for a while, try not to say, ‘I am feeling so fat!’.
2) Watch how you react.
Be conscious of how you react when they comment on their own looks/bodies.
If they come to you feeling upset about their bodies or looks, take a minute to validate their feeling. Tell them you understand how frustrating that must feel. Reassure them that everyone goes through these struggles about their bodies and appearances. But also encourage them to be kind to themselves. Tell them they are so much more than their color, their size and their looks. And beauty is diverse - it comes in every size, shape and color.
3) Have discussions on what they see on Social Media.
The glamorous world of media and entertainment can make quite the impression on young minds. Engage in open conversations with your daughters about the truth behind the curated images they see online. Tell them how these photos undergo heavy editing and filtering just to conform to unrealistic beauty standards. The flawless faces they see are not just "unrealistic," but are a result of skilled makeup artistry. Highlight other aspects of the celebrities life - their confidence, their style, the causes they champion, the hard work they put in, etc.
4) Help them cultivate a strong sense of self-worth.
Above all, make sure to consciously and repeatedly praise your daughter’s unseen qualities - her kindness, her resilience, her maturity, her perceptiveness, her calmness. This will, in the future, become her inner voice. We have to set them up to feel confident in who they are, not what they look like.
Our daughters constantly look up to us, their mothers, as role models for validation and guidance, even when it's not explicit. By taking a moment before commenting on our bodies and instead expressing self-love, we can create a shift in mindset for ourselves and our daughters. Remember, it is normal to occasionally slip and it is never too late to start! :)