My daughter left her water bottle at home the other day. Despite the blazing heat, I resisted the temptation to rush it to school for her. Why? Because I believe in letting her face the consequences of her actions and learn to solve problems on her own. What about you? If your first instinct would have been to dash off to school with the forgotten bottle, this article is for you.
Do you swoop in to rescue your kids every time they stumble? Then don’t be surprised if your kids grow into adults who lack confidence and shy away from challenges.
It's natural for parents to want to help their children. Whether it's untangling a stuck zipper, tying shoelaces, or retrieving forgotten homework, we are there for them. But have we ever stopped to ask ourselves, "Is this doing more harm than good?" Every time we swoop in to fix their mistakes, we deprive them of valuable learning experiences. So, how do we raise resilient children who tackle challenges head-on and emerge stronger from failure?
Encourage a Growth Mindset
I first learned about the concept of the Growth Mindset from a TED talk by Carol Dweck, and it has been a game changer. The power of "yet" is incredible. Saying, "I don't know the solution yet.” instead of "I don't know the solution.” makes such a big difference. A Growth Mindset means recognizing that skills and abilities can be developed through practice, learning, perseverance, and even failure. Our kids need to understand that struggling with a math problem doesn't mean they're incapable of doing math; it simply means they need more practice. Tell your children about the growth mindset every opportunity you get. Let them start believing that they can continuously upgrade their personality, abilities and skills by being open to learning and improvement.
Normalize Failure as a Learning Opportunity
A key aspect of cultivating a Growth Mindset is normalizing failure in our homes and reframing it as a learning opportunity. What does this mean? Share your own experiences of failure and how you used them as opportunities for growth. Every time you witness your children falter, see it as a chance to teach them resilience and perseverance. Instead of viewing failure as a roadblock, encourage them to see it as a stepping stone on the path to success.
Teach them problem-solving skills
We need to create an environment in the house which encourages exploration and independence. Let your child bake on their own, let them make their mistakes, let them bake not-so-great tasting cookies. They will learn to adjust recipes, trouble-shoot kitchen issues which will go a long way in learning to problem solve. If they come to you with a problem, resist the urge to use your brain to fix the issue. Instead, guide them to solve it on their own with questions like “What could be a good solution?” Or “What would be a possible step towards solving this?”
You can model problem-solving behaviour by sharing with them your challenges and your thought process in solving it.
Wrapping it all up
Raising resilient kids is not about shielding them from failure, but rather empowering them to bounce back stronger. By emphasizing on a growth mindset, showing them that making mistakes is okay and letting them figure out things on their own, we are giving our children the tools they need to thrive in a world full of challenges. So, let's step back, resist the urge to intervene at every stumble, and watch as our children develop the resilience they need to succeed.